"In other traditions demons are expelled externally. But in my tradition demons are accepted with compassion."
--Machik Labdron

hmmm...

"Compassion is more emotionally challenging than loving-kindness because it involves the willingness to feel pain. It definately requires the training of a warrior."
--Pema Chodron

-- A Reflection Worthwhile ... exerpts from a letter to a friend ... --


There's no way in the world that anyone will understand the "who, what, where, and why's" of what you've been through. Its a tall order to ask that anyone understand the depth of Carl's inabilities and the pain caused by his choices. You barely understand the dynamics of it yourself. If you and Mike strike up a friendship, these things will be expressed in due time. There's a strange responsibility we have in sharing the atrocities of our lifes ... in the telling of them. They effect people in ways not considered. Examine your motives behind why you would want to tell Mike that Carl was not a good husband and father. If the reasons stem from resentment and rage, or feeling misunderstood ... don't share that energy with Mike. Share it with your therapist. :)

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is so much excellence in your life to be proud of ... don't risk wearing the "shit" of your experience like some sort of coat or banner. I'm not saying that's what you are doing. But just hang back, okay? Relax, and know that you are blessed. And you are well to move on as best as you can, no matter the accuracy of people's perspective of "Carl" (the good or bad of him) ... he is broken and wrong. Your kids are well, you're in an upswing move in your life ... keep it going ... day to day ...


-- Another exerpt from a following letter ... just simple, ponderings ... explorations --


Yep. It's pretty wild.

And also, the idea that your story can effect someone in truly unexpected ways ... ways that no one has a clue about, depending on where everyone is at. I don't know. Life seems too short to spotlight the pain and not spotlight the triumphs.

But you know what? take the energy of the troubled parts (rage, resentment, anger, disappointment) and harness it to help folks you come across in your life. lessons for one and all. we have as much capability to save a life as much as destroy one. unfortunately, we seem more familiar with the destructive side of things ... but NOT unfortunately, really. Just a miracle in disguise. Because of the deep suffering in this life, we may be able to get to the core of another's pain through common empathy ... and maybe help one another every once in a while. got to be better instruments for each other. we're all a family, this human race.

Grace is found in the ugliest of places.

By the way, stand-up Comedy sounds appealing. Just standing on a stage and seeing what comes out. I dare you!!!

Comedy:
1 a: a drama of light and amusing character and typically with a happy ending b: the genre of dramatic literature dealing with the comic or with the serious in a light or satirical manner -- compare tragedy

2 a: a medieval narrative that ends happily b: a literary work written in a comic style or treating a comic theme

3: a ludicrous or farcical event or series of events

4 a: the comic element b: humorous entertainment


< ... Peace ... Good Health ... Clarity of Thought ... Nurturing Compassion ... Believe In The Best Of Us >

Dance Me To The End Of Love - By Leonard Cohen

Dance me to your beauty
with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic
till I'm gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch
and be my homeward dove
Dance me to the end of love

Let me see your beauty
when the witnesses are gone
Let me feel you moving
like they do in Babylon
Show me slowly what I only
know the limits of
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the wedding now
dance me on and on
Dance me very tenderly and
dance me very long
We're both of us beneath our love
we're both of us above
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the children
who are asking to be born
Dance me through the curtains
that our kisses have outworn
Raise a tent of shelter now
though every thread is torn
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to your beauty
with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic
till I'm gathered safely in
Touch me with your naked hand
touch me with your glove
Dance me to the end of love

-------------------------- --- -- --- -- --- -- --- -- --- -- --------------------------------

"When it come to lamentations
I prefer Aretha Franklin
to, let's say, Leonard Cohen
He hears a different drum."

---- Leonard Cohen "A Different Drum"

The Worm's Waking

This is how a human being can change:

There's a worm addicted to eating
grape leaves.
Suddenly, he wakes up,
call it Grace, whatever, something
wakes him, and he's no longer
a worm.
He's the entire vineyard,
and the orchard too, the fruit, the trunks,
a growing wisdom and joy
that doesn't need
to devour.
-Jelaluddin Rumi (1207-1273)

Well now ....

A little walk, a little meditation and stretching, and a lot of laughter later ...

Today is a different day (as all the others have been!) :

(1) I am moving my place of residence in two weeks instead of two months.

(2) Which means that my auto insurance will be adjusted to less $300.00 per year.

(3) The original place that I was in line for became unavailable, but the owner has a titch of a sympathy (well, I'll be!) for my situation. He gave me a call early this morning and offered first dibs on another, beautiful, more spacious place that opened up just recently. Of course, being that it is larger (with an actual garage included!), it costs a bit more. But, they're pro-rating my moving expenses so that it will be occupied within two weeks.

(4) There is a tremendous surge of empowerment happening in my psyche all of the sudden. Must get a grip before my brain explodes from this sudden turn of direction! Breathe ...

(5) More walking. More Yoga. Focus ... Balance ... Calm. Relax. ... and NEVER stop believing in the best of yourself!

(6) Whoa! ... ... :)


Most truly,
with empathy,
jagged

One, two, three ... testing. Ahem... Excuse me. Attention! Attention! Paging for assistance. Jaggedbite needs help. Must find release from the darkside.

I seem to have misplaced my ability to lighten up as of late. Through thinking too much and not having enough fun (just a hunch), life has whirled waaaaaaay outta of balance for me. Many tremendous changes taking place ... changes which are due, mostly, to mismanagement of my focus and emotions. It may be true that I have judged myself too harshly, once again. Strangly, this life cannot be experienced any other way. Sometimes, my best efforts can be reckless, damaging, or just plain weak. Hmmm. By jove, I do believe that I have found myself in a deep, dark, smelly depression ...

Time to take drastic measures.


When work is finished today, after taking a long, brisk walk, jagged is going to get herself over to "The Yoga House".

Must find the energy ... to change the things I can, and dig up courage to accept the things I can't , and the wisdom to recognize the difference. A little serenity (and a large dose of Monty Python). Tonite, I intend on celebrating the lusciously absurd and irreverant provocateurs of this planet!!! Gotta laugh!

Yours truly,
jagged

At the nine-to-five job,
utilizing a few minutes
for breathing.
The people that
keep this company
in its stellar condition
have just been notified
that all internet activity
will be recorded. reports
will, in turn, be distrubuted
to all managers.
Discipline measures
will be decided on review.

The company conveys distrust
like an old school, carmilite nun
disciplining newly hatched 1st graders.

An old lesson, highlighted brightly, once again.
13 years of sincere effort and excellent reviews
does not assure a job,
nor does it reflect the most vague sense of respect
from the Corporation.

As stated before, but not absorbed...
... NOTHING IS GUARANTEED ...

Sleep deprived and petrified (in this eternal moment).

Yours truly,
Jagged


Disconcerted. Sleep deprived. Disatisfied.

Insomnia Plagues.

Disconcerted.

Obsessed, lovesick, besotted, and crazed,
this peak of womanhood breaks through sky,
lunges through time and space.
Lands unidentified,
vast lightyears away from it's youthful pretense.

Forgive,
for this taste
compels me,
intrigues me,
propels me,
and completes me.

Forgive,
for this taste
is just that,
and not more.