Well, what do ya know?!?!
The wondrous, and most reverant sam, ushered me through a little editing of my blogging template. Lo and behold, if folks are so inclined, one can leave comments about these comments, and other past comments, regarding comments on other comments noted in this blog!!! Thought, for a moment, that I heard angels singing! Oooooo...
samb39, you are a kind, kind teacher. thank you, thank you, and thank you. :)
Just lovely! Lovely blogging jibberish!!! Ain't it the best?!?
A happy moment, assisted by sam,
vigilantly,
jagged
Wednesday, December 11, 2002
dear d.
yes, indeedy. :)
today, felt excitement for the first time with the idea of a home. surreal aptly describes these last few months ... well, honestly, it describes my entire life. this current direction is full of promise and good stuff. closer to 'home'. HOPE is something i've not been in one on one contact with in a long while. enabled it in others, but not felt worthy to entertain it for myself. don't know if that makes any sense to you. but, things are pretty interesting. strange, refreshing light shining through. ambivalent.
lindsey is well and thriving (a wondrous smart alec with a good sense of humor, if ever there was one. PAYBACK!) steve is steve (very well for him). my folks are officially ancient and doddering. had a visit with them last night. my pops is dealing with a severe bout of bronchitis ... he's not coming up and out of this as well as he or anyone else would like. he and my mother went to the doctor today. we'll see what's up. i'm the 'one' who keeps tabs on this particular couple of 50 years. they are turning into children and i am fortunate to be of assistance to them. a gift of a profound experience.
and YOU! (pointing my finger in your direction) ... you are havoc in my heart. yep. that oooooold, worn story. still working on the composition for the advertisement regarding a replacement ... maybe you could help me out with that. there's a mound of crinkled paper behind me that has built up over the years. all attempts at articulating something missing from my life. maybe this year i'll finally grasp it and become published. yeah, right-ee-ooo. and pigs can fly ... (well, with all the 'top secret' genetic research going on, one never knows!) after long (and i mean loooooooooooooong) consideration, don't think a replacement exists. have had a few mediocre stand-ins. some LESS than mediocre, i must admit. ah well. none of it boring.
my brother said, recently, during a rare, one-on-one conversation with him, "life is unforgiving and stops for no one." i must dedicate something to him. some sort of thing. a chapter ... a scupture ... a wing of a psych ward ... a pint of blood (oh, that's 'donate'). not sure what. we shall see.
sometimes i wonder to what extent i may have disappointed you. or if i've bored, or disgusted you with my behavior. i know. they seem pointless, these thoughts. but they float through in great numbers, like schools of aimless, little fish darting around in a vast ocean. yeah, the vast ocean of my mind ... no land in sight ... YIPES! it's the Bermuda Triangle!!! erp ....
'strange bird', admittedly.
peace, heart o' mine.
p.s. - do YOU promise to keep in touch? well, i'm annoying, yes. but, YOU! you are an equal! have mercy ...
yes, indeedy. :)
today, felt excitement for the first time with the idea of a home. surreal aptly describes these last few months ... well, honestly, it describes my entire life. this current direction is full of promise and good stuff. closer to 'home'. HOPE is something i've not been in one on one contact with in a long while. enabled it in others, but not felt worthy to entertain it for myself. don't know if that makes any sense to you. but, things are pretty interesting. strange, refreshing light shining through. ambivalent.
lindsey is well and thriving (a wondrous smart alec with a good sense of humor, if ever there was one. PAYBACK!) steve is steve (very well for him). my folks are officially ancient and doddering. had a visit with them last night. my pops is dealing with a severe bout of bronchitis ... he's not coming up and out of this as well as he or anyone else would like. he and my mother went to the doctor today. we'll see what's up. i'm the 'one' who keeps tabs on this particular couple of 50 years. they are turning into children and i am fortunate to be of assistance to them. a gift of a profound experience.
and YOU! (pointing my finger in your direction) ... you are havoc in my heart. yep. that oooooold, worn story. still working on the composition for the advertisement regarding a replacement ... maybe you could help me out with that. there's a mound of crinkled paper behind me that has built up over the years. all attempts at articulating something missing from my life. maybe this year i'll finally grasp it and become published. yeah, right-ee-ooo. and pigs can fly ... (well, with all the 'top secret' genetic research going on, one never knows!) after long (and i mean loooooooooooooong) consideration, don't think a replacement exists. have had a few mediocre stand-ins. some LESS than mediocre, i must admit. ah well. none of it boring.
my brother said, recently, during a rare, one-on-one conversation with him, "life is unforgiving and stops for no one." i must dedicate something to him. some sort of thing. a chapter ... a scupture ... a wing of a psych ward ... a pint of blood (oh, that's 'donate'). not sure what. we shall see.
sometimes i wonder to what extent i may have disappointed you. or if i've bored, or disgusted you with my behavior. i know. they seem pointless, these thoughts. but they float through in great numbers, like schools of aimless, little fish darting around in a vast ocean. yeah, the vast ocean of my mind ... no land in sight ... YIPES! it's the Bermuda Triangle!!! erp ....
'strange bird', admittedly.
peace, heart o' mine.
p.s. - do YOU promise to keep in touch? well, i'm annoying, yes. but, YOU! you are an equal! have mercy ...
Tuesday, December 10, 2002
Heyyy ...
As some folks already know, I went on a blind date last night.
Met at a "Starbucks". Got there early. Brought my lap top and a couple of books.
It was peaceful enough for about twenty minutes. Then, "people" came, it seemed by the truck loads. Soccer mom's, resigned father's, strange "Starbuck's" children. The adults were introducing themselves to each other, stating their names and their occupations. The children were pre-adolescent girls doing their utmost to "be" cool. Dean Martin Christmas carol's were blaring in the background. The only other sound that topped the muzak was the voice of a father repeating back the wants of the herd ... double checking and making sure ... he was truly in command of the situation. And the searing tone of his voice was taking command of my brain. So, I packed up my laptop and scooted outside. It was fairly cold, but very well worth the relief. I sat out in the cold, in a 'mini-mall' sort of place, close to a curb, next to a car, fiddling around with my computer and reading for an hour or so. Almost, forgot that someone was meeting me there.
As I was spending my time, I happened to ponder a bit about how my perspective of "The Holidays" and "Christmas" has evolved through the years. In my youth, I reveled in the gaudy Delacroix-like, incense infused, pyromaniacle, Handel's Messiah, Roman Catholic, Latin, mid-night mass experience. The church would begin pitch black. And slowly, people would enter with white candles aflame... all following the priest who was dressed in his finest gold threaded vestments with his crucifix staff in hand, and a number of alter boys in red trailed behind him (long gowns with white lace blousing layered over the red). There was a magnificent manger located at the front, right side of the alter... where a statue of "Joseph" usually stood. Every Christmas, "Joseph" would mysteriously disappear and I would feel sorry for him.
Anyway... one of the alter boys would be carrying a statue of the infant Jesus all the way down the loooooong aisle to the manger. When they reached their destination, the boy handed the icon to the priest. As the priest set the statue in the hay-filled, makeshift crib, the lights of the huge church would slowly come on ... depicting "The Light of the World Being Born". Pretty incredible stuff for a child to witness the first few impressionable years of her life. That wasn't the end of it ... before the mass started, there'd be a sound of sleigh bells coming from the rear entrance of the church, and, lo and behold, Santa entered the building. Little gasps of wonder heard all around. He would be carrying a HUGE bag of "stuff" honoring the less fortunate families of the community. All the way up the aisle, "HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!", boomed his voice... and as he reached the end of the aisle, he took off his Santa Clause hat and bowed... then walked over to the manger, set the bag down and knelt before the biblical family scene. As the packed churched became completely hushed, Santa Clause acknowledged "The Light Of the World".
Sounds completely fucked up. But, when I was little, I wept with joy that Santa loved that baby so much ... and I wept with sorrow for that baby and for his mother, because I knew what was going to happen next. I knew, step by step, up through the 'resurrection', the story of Jesus. I had absorbed it at an early, early age. And at that point, Jesus was as real as my Magrife smelling mother standing next to me, her head adorned with a gorgeous, long, white Spanish mantia. My mother, well, she was up there on the same level as the Holy Trinity. But, more frightening. You know that's another story.
What about the blind date? Well, it was alright. Uneventful. Not looking for anyone to ease my heart. It was a pleasant change of scene for a few hours, though. An honest time of yacking about nothing much. He said he wanted to get together again. I said, 'why not'. Sunday, we might do something. I don't seem to really care, because I am consumed with the moving situation which is happening on Saturday. Oops! That reminds me! I've got to go call Public Storage!
not as confused as I feel at the moment,
vigilantly yours,
jagged
As some folks already know, I went on a blind date last night.
Met at a "Starbucks". Got there early. Brought my lap top and a couple of books.
It was peaceful enough for about twenty minutes. Then, "people" came, it seemed by the truck loads. Soccer mom's, resigned father's, strange "Starbuck's" children. The adults were introducing themselves to each other, stating their names and their occupations. The children were pre-adolescent girls doing their utmost to "be" cool. Dean Martin Christmas carol's were blaring in the background. The only other sound that topped the muzak was the voice of a father repeating back the wants of the herd ... double checking and making sure ... he was truly in command of the situation. And the searing tone of his voice was taking command of my brain. So, I packed up my laptop and scooted outside. It was fairly cold, but very well worth the relief. I sat out in the cold, in a 'mini-mall' sort of place, close to a curb, next to a car, fiddling around with my computer and reading for an hour or so. Almost, forgot that someone was meeting me there.
As I was spending my time, I happened to ponder a bit about how my perspective of "The Holidays" and "Christmas" has evolved through the years. In my youth, I reveled in the gaudy Delacroix-like, incense infused, pyromaniacle, Handel's Messiah, Roman Catholic, Latin, mid-night mass experience. The church would begin pitch black. And slowly, people would enter with white candles aflame... all following the priest who was dressed in his finest gold threaded vestments with his crucifix staff in hand, and a number of alter boys in red trailed behind him (long gowns with white lace blousing layered over the red). There was a magnificent manger located at the front, right side of the alter... where a statue of "Joseph" usually stood. Every Christmas, "Joseph" would mysteriously disappear and I would feel sorry for him.
Anyway... one of the alter boys would be carrying a statue of the infant Jesus all the way down the loooooong aisle to the manger. When they reached their destination, the boy handed the icon to the priest. As the priest set the statue in the hay-filled, makeshift crib, the lights of the huge church would slowly come on ... depicting "The Light of the World Being Born". Pretty incredible stuff for a child to witness the first few impressionable years of her life. That wasn't the end of it ... before the mass started, there'd be a sound of sleigh bells coming from the rear entrance of the church, and, lo and behold, Santa entered the building. Little gasps of wonder heard all around. He would be carrying a HUGE bag of "stuff" honoring the less fortunate families of the community. All the way up the aisle, "HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!", boomed his voice... and as he reached the end of the aisle, he took off his Santa Clause hat and bowed... then walked over to the manger, set the bag down and knelt before the biblical family scene. As the packed churched became completely hushed, Santa Clause acknowledged "The Light Of the World".
Sounds completely fucked up. But, when I was little, I wept with joy that Santa loved that baby so much ... and I wept with sorrow for that baby and for his mother, because I knew what was going to happen next. I knew, step by step, up through the 'resurrection', the story of Jesus. I had absorbed it at an early, early age. And at that point, Jesus was as real as my Magrife smelling mother standing next to me, her head adorned with a gorgeous, long, white Spanish mantia. My mother, well, she was up there on the same level as the Holy Trinity. But, more frightening. You know that's another story.
What about the blind date? Well, it was alright. Uneventful. Not looking for anyone to ease my heart. It was a pleasant change of scene for a few hours, though. An honest time of yacking about nothing much. He said he wanted to get together again. I said, 'why not'. Sunday, we might do something. I don't seem to really care, because I am consumed with the moving situation which is happening on Saturday. Oops! That reminds me! I've got to go call Public Storage!
not as confused as I feel at the moment,
vigilantly yours,
jagged
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